Spiritual Psychology Coaching | How to Break Free From Being a 'Codependent Anorexic' And starting Dating After Narcissistic Abuse

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Welcome to the Dr. Erin podcast. This is a top spiritual psychology coach podcast to inspire and teach you how to transform your trauma, birth, your soul's purpose, and manifest your dreams. Hi, I'm Dr. Erin. Dr. Divinity. I'm committed to bringing you the best coaching tips, spiritual advice, trauma healing, and metaphysical recovery secrets. I'm here to help you monetize your spiritual gifts and love your life. I want you to know that I've been exactly where you are and I believe in you together we're awakening the world.

Okay, Welcome back my friends. I'm super excited to dive deep into sex, love, and recovery, and this is a big, big topic for the world out there because we all want love. We all want connection, and we're trying to figure it out. I think even typical marriages these days, it's said that only 15% of marriages are actually thriving. So it's all of us. It doesn't matter if you're single, if you're dating, if you're married, the ultimate relationship is within all of the relationships are the projection and reflection of our true ability to love or not love. So our guests on here are courageous enough to share their real stuff going on for them, but what I want to make sure people understand is just because someone's single doesn't mean they're worse than or something's wrong with them. I really, really, really think it's really important for the world to get that because people can be married and living double lives and more miserable and more alone than ever. So it doesn't matter who comes on here, I want us to stay in an open heart and open space that there's profound masters on this planet and even masters are challenged with our human hood. So it's really important that we hold each and every one of us in our divinity as we dive into real human issues that we all can relate to. Okay, so today, today, today we have a caller, Laura. She's in from Oakville, Canada. She's 57. Not that matters or not, and I don't typically say ages, but for some reason I feel like it's kind of important today is paint the picture around everything she is in Really what the issue is, she states I haven't been on a date in five years and I do not want to do online dating just because I feel like it's never going to actually work out. Okay. So man, I'm sure there's so many people out there that can relate to what is going on. So hi Laura, how are you?

Speaker 2 (02:25):

Well, thank you. It's such an honor to be here. Thank you. Where

Speaker 1 (02:30):

Are you right now? You're on vacation? I'm

Speaker 2 (02:31):

On vacation. My youngest daughter said, mom, you deserve it. I haven't been away in 10 years, and so she worked really hard and we are now in Jupiter, Florida.

Speaker 1 (02:44):

Oh, I'm like an hour away from you right now. No way. Literally, I'm up at this really cool tree house up in Fort Pierce and I have this lake out here, and I think I'm never going to leave because I'm a total introvert, so I can just have my podcast here and just never even leave this cabin. I swear

Speaker 2 (02:58):

It's beautiful here. We're just so in love. We're going to go to Peanut Island

Speaker 1 (03:03):

Later. Yeah, that's beautiful. Okay, amazing. So let's break this one down. Girl, you haven't dated in five years. What's going on? Girlfriend to girlfriend, talk to me. Oh,

Speaker 2 (03:12):

It is a nightmare. I tried online dating a few. I've been single since 2006. Mom came out of very verbally abusive narcissist ex, and it really actually knocked the wind down in my sails as entrusting myself, as in allowing love in. Again, all those areas and when I have tried online dating or I have dated, I find that it's either it's unrequited in the sense that they don't feel the way I feel or vice versa, or I don't trust myself that I'm just going to pick another

Speaker 1 (03:54):

First. I just want to have compassion for you. I also want to recognize and congratulate you for not just doing the same cycle over and over and taking some time and not just putting yourself into something that you know isn't right. So congratulations for that because a lot of people would just keep doing the same total insane cycle and pulling in the next person that's basically having the same demonstration of something to the effect of I'm not worthy of love and calling in that same situation. Right? Over and over again, as you probably know my story, I was very, very codependent and when I was in a very dysfunctional, codependent relationship with the narcissistic, very famous rockstar, I too, after that relationship, needed to take quite some years off because I needed to say, whoa, where's my part? And what's really going on in this? So let's dive a little bit deeper. Let's go before the last narcissist. What was the patterning that was happening? We can say, oh, them that this, whatever, but the characters all changed, but the theme stays the same, right? It does. So what was the theme? Yeah,

Speaker 2 (05:02):

Well, the theme was as, I guess my first love, he was kind, not a famous rock star, but he was in the punk rock lifestyle and all that stuff, and I was with him from 15 till 24, I think, and I was just the background kind of person. I was in the back. I never fully could be me, I guess. I dunno how to explain it, or I was always introduced, oh, the girlfriend. It's almost like I didn't have an identity.

Speaker 1 (05:37):

I love this. So I think it comes down to a distinction. So for me, I realized that it was, I called in the narcissist for the masterclass, exact masterclass that I needed, which was self-love and self-worth, right? Because if we don't have high self-worth, high self-esteem or believe we're worthy of really being fully connected, fully and love and fully expressed, then we're going to call in the exact situation for fulfilling upon that identity and that prophecy, if you will, that the prophetic self-fulfilling prophecy for ourselves, right? Yes. So it sounds like the self-worth is really what's really going on here.

Speaker 2 (06:16):

It really is. It's self, it's really, even if I go back to my childhood of, I was in the seventies, I was diagnosed with dyslexia, so then I was introduced to special ed classes. Were kind of coming into the school system in Canada, and so I was always in the dumb class and now I'm blonde, so it doesn't help. So I always had that kind of like, but I just learned differently and I take, I'm super empathic and I have healing skills and stuff like that, so I know I have all that now. But yeah, a lot of it

Speaker 1 (06:57):

Stuff, I feel like we have so much in common. I was totally dyslexic as well when I was young, and it is a weird thing. I do think that there's this weird thing about being blonde as a stigma. I remember also as a little girl, having the girls hating me and the guys liking me, and it was really this interesting dynamic of something's wrong with me and I need to really, it was like I had to make up for it in some way. And I think just these conversations are really interesting because consciousness guides here when we're doing deeper work and say we're in a true session. This is not a true session. We'd be going into the trauma of this lifetime and past lifetimes going into the D N A track and clearing off the D n A to fully express your greatest expression through your D n A. So spirit can express itself fully through this computer called you, right? Yes. But in this, we're kind of just breaking down and having a conscious conversation of almost really looking at what's the patterning from a human perspective and all that, and just kind of almost doing the pre-conscious awareness before we do the real work. So my question for you is this, Laura, on a level of one to a hundred, one, meaning I'm not really motivated to do much, a hundred, meaning I'm a hundred percent committed to doing whatever it takes, and this is the difference. I'm not going to say a hundred percent committed to finding the one because I think that's bs a belief system. I believe you are the one you've been waiting for. Yes. A hundred percent committed to becoming the love of your life, and in that opening up the portal for energetically to have the demonstration and mental vibrational match of the potential of the one out here in the three D form,

Speaker 2 (08:47):

Correct? Yes.

Speaker 1 (08:49):

Where are you on that spectrum of one to 100?

Speaker 2 (08:52):

Okay, I am hearing, I'm hearing two numbers, so I'm like, which is the honest number? I'm going to say 70% there, because I have been doing a lot of work on myself personally. So yeah.

Speaker 1 (09:09):

Okay. So there's a couple of distinctions here when we have two different numbers. The mini mind has one identity and thought and feeling. The true identity, if you want to say the true spirit, the cleared out soul is always absolute truth. It knows only the most divine power. It knows a hundred percent who it is, and there's the mini mind that is divided. That is the relative truth. Okay? So we've got our work is to, as we say, connect the heart and the mind, or you could say connect the union through yoga of the individual relative mind with the divine absolute mind. Okay? Yes. So where do you want to live? Do you want to live in the 70% or do you want to live in the a hundred percent committed level?

Speaker 2 (09:57):

A hundred percent, absolutely. At the all costs.

Speaker 1 (10:01):

Okay. A good metaphor of this. I know you're a parent, and so I believe our children teach us unconditional love and true commitment. They can be great, they can be not great, they can be whatever. It doesn't matter. We're a hundred percent committed to them versus our partners per se. Many times we're not fully committed to our partners. We look at our children to find everything that's right with them, and we look to our partners to find everything wrong with them. That's the way the human beingness goes. So when we think about our children, I think it's a really great place to know what true commitment is. Commitment does not have considerations. Yes, it doesn't waiver. It does whatever it needs to do to get the job done. That's commitment. So again, asking yourself again and again, if you're not committed, it's okay. It's better to get real with ourselves than have delusional dreams that we're not really actually committed to. Exactly. Okay. So you've come here today courageously saying, I'm going to get a little vulnerable here. I'm put it out on the line. First of all, kudos to you for that. Thank you. Okay. Now you showed up and this is a divine appointment. This is so speaking through me as me and and it's asking the question I didn't. This just comes through. It's asking you right now, how bad do you want this? How bad do you want to become whole and complete in the love of your life so that you can actually call in a true partner if that's what you choose?

Speaker 2 (11:30):

That is a hundred percent. I feel it really strong in me.

Speaker 1 (11:35):

Great. So again, different way spirits coming through right now, which is who do you need to be to be the mentally equivalent and the vibrational match to call in a true partner

Speaker 2 (11:47):

And be authentic and not hold back speaking? I'm afraid of maybe they'll think I'm weird because what I do, or I don't want to hurt someone's feelings and that kind of stuff. I think one of my chopes things is speaking, speaking my truth,

Speaker 1 (12:13):

And that happens a lot being in a narcissistic or relationship because anytime you speak with a narcissist, as you know, they'll deflect and they make you wrong. Yes. So it shuts the other person down, and we know it's equal. We're not never the victim of the narcissist. The narciss is a mentally equivalent. Exactly. Of our inability for self-love and self-worth. So we're calling in that exact mentally equivalent. It's equal and the same. It's two sides of the same. Yeah. It's a two sides of the same coin. The victim has to have a perpetrator. It's impossible. It's always, and our culture wants to victimize the women and make the men the perpetrators, but actually our culture really needs to mature and needs to realize that the narcissist is coming from their own trauma and they're actually looking to call on the perfect mental equivalent for them to have the reflection for them to heal as well. Yes.

Speaker 2 (13:04):

Yes.

Speaker 1 (13:05):

Okay. So having said this, my gut with you is there is some trauma work, but not as big as most people. I feel like you've done some work, but this is where I think the work is for you. The work is for you to recognize how you created it, meaning we don't necessarily, again think, oh, if I was raped that I created that rape per se, but the meaning that I put around the rape, the meaning that I placed around all of it and the low self-worth that I told myself is what was created out of that. So the same thing happens with a narcissist. You did not necessarily say, Hey, I'm going to call in a narcissist, but a healthy person, they would see the red flags right away and they would probably not stay in that. We stayed in it because we were sick, right? Yes. But the truth is you are not sick. You're a divine spiritual powerful. Okay, so just looking at it for a moment, taking full responsibility. Yeah. I feel you right now, really committed to this. Okay. How did you create that?

Speaker 2 (14:06):

I created it. I felt myself actually the beginning of this relationship that I probably my kids before I felt there was this window, I guess you could say, where I had an opportunity to walk away and my body reacted in a way, and that holding back and not really speaking my truth. There was a window where I should have listened to my body. I should have listened to my gut instincts, but I didn't, and then before I knew it, I'm like, I'm pregnant, and I'm like, oh my God, I'm trapped feeling and all those horrible things that go along with that.

Speaker 1 (14:48):

Yeah. Thank you for that. How does that feel for you?

Speaker 2 (14:51):

It actually feels freeing.

Speaker 1 (14:54):

Yeah. We get to release

Speaker 2 (14:55):

Them in my solar plexus. It's like that giveaway of your power so many times.

Speaker 1 (15:02):

Yes. The real freedom that comes out of the work, whether it is that we do deep, deep trauma work, whether we do our men's and take responsibility for everything, whether we birth our relative truth and our core values, the end result is one thing, which is recognizing the true freedom of choice to create. The limited beliefs will come up again. The core limited commands from our trauma will come up again, but instead of it being subconscious and kind of like puppet strings behind our life, we now have choice. Yes. Okay, Laura,

Speaker 2 (15:36):

You have choice. Out of that autopilot.

Speaker 1 (15:39):

Out of autopilot. You my dear or nothing, but you are definitely not autopilot. I see your power. You're such a leader. You are such a leader. I can feel it. I'm honored for you to even be here because I can feel what leader you really are. Okay. You have choice. There's not just online dating. There's a zillion ways to meet people. I know by the power of my word, the choice that you have to powerfully create in that realm, and sometimes it takes dating and saying, yep, nope, we're not in alignment. Oh, this core value is not right. Oh, you're amazing. Not, but not for me, but you have the choice to create in that realm of your life by the power of my word, by the power. It's already done in the divine mind. I'm feeling this so much for you. For sure. Okay, so what new declaration do you want to make for yourself and your life so that we can speak it even more firmly and affirmatively into the subconscious mind, which is one as a subjective mind, that is one with all of life that can speak through to every X, speak through to your future, speak through to all dynamics and sets the polarity of the entire universe into what do you want to declare and speak into that

Speaker 2 (16:50):

I'm this, he's powerful and strong and loves unconditionally and cares deeply.

Speaker 1 (16:58):

Say it one more time in the embodiment for yourself, not the out picturing declare who you want to be.

Speaker 2 (17:04):

I'm a divine bod who strong, powerful, beautiful, and loves unconditionally.

Speaker 1 (17:12):

Wow. I love that. Let's take a deep breath together. I know the universe only says yes. It just says yes. It just reflects with the hell. Yes, and I recognize right now by the power of word who Laura is. I recognize this divine goddess that she is. I recognize this divine goddess who she is right now. I recognize the power that she's, I recognize with this unconditional love that it goes out exponentially to exactly the right person, people, whatever that expression is, for her to fully experience that unconditional love, the goddess that she is, and absolutely no longer having fear, but rather the revere for every single person in front of her to use, to have a spiritual practice, to see them as the divine beloved. Everywhere she goes and in this, she becomes the beloved, and in this, she absolutely reflects the vibrational match of the beloved. I simply know this is done as together we say, and so

Speaker 2 (18:09):

It's Yes.

Speaker 1 (18:11):

Thank you so much. Oh my gosh. So beautiful. Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (18:15):

Thank you.

Speaker 1 (18:17):

Thank you for tuning into the Dr. Erin podcast. If you're ready to reprogram your subconscious mind, transform your trauma and birth, your soul's calling, or if you're ready to become an accredited, certified spiritual psychology coach and E4 trauma method facilitator, and get trained in spiritual psychology, universal law, intergenerational trauma, work, past life, regression work, metaphysics, and mind, and so much more, go to DrErin.tv if you're receiving value from the show. I would love it if you share it with a friend and give it a five star review. Have a beautiful day, and may you live your truth.