Sex, Love, & Recovery Coaching Series | How to heal from your partner cheating on you

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Welcome to the Dr. Erin podcast. This is a top spiritual psychology coach podcast to inspire and teach you how to transform your trauma, birth, your soul's purpose, and manifest your dreams. Hi, I'm Dr. Erin. Dr. Divinity, I'm committed to bringing you the best coaching tips, spiritual advice, trauma healing, and metaphysical recovery secrets. I'm here to help you monetize your spiritual gifts and love your life. I want you to know that I've been exactly where you are and I believe in you together we're awakening the world, okay? Today we have an anonymous caller, which is so courageous. I know that many of you out there are suffering in your sex lover relationship world. I personally suffered greatly for many years in codependency, and it became very shamed. It was almost embarrassing of the ups and downs I was having in my relationships after doing so much work and I was so confused. And so the intention of this call today is to really dive deep and have somebody courageously open their heart into actual details so that we can all relate and actually get acknowledged because all of us have had dark moments and dysfunctional moments in our relationship. So today, welcome, welcome, welcome. Come on in. Thank you. How are you doing?

Speaker 2 (01:19):

I'm good.

Speaker 1 (01:20):

In our application, we talk about the different distinctions of narcissistic abuse, love or sex addiction, codependency or dysfunction, cheating or lying, alcoholism or drug addiction, financial or money abuse. And you put all of the above, which is so awesome. I just love people when they get like, oh my gosh, let's get into the mess of all of this. So if you wouldn't mind, would you mind getting into some of the actual details? What is the current upset right now for you?

Speaker 2 (01:46):

Okay. So I think the biggest thing here is, okay, so five years ago I found text messages between my husband and a couple of other women. And then, so the reason why I had listed all of that, all of the above was because these things kind of came up. After that. It was like I kind of noticed, I don't know, the abuse and the sex addiction and all these other things, and then the I'm not enoughness and all of that. So yeah, so basically it kind of boils down to five years ago that day when I found those messages.

Speaker 1 (02:25):

Wow. So five years, let's just get the impact of that for a minute. Just holding all the people that are suffering out there that have gone through different things of cheating line or big upsets or big traumas within a relationship. And so what we're going to do today and kind of breaking down from a universal law perspective and from the truth of who you are, okay? The truth is that you are none of these things. You're not the circumstances of your relationship. You are not somebody that's been cheated on. You're none of that. You're a divine spiritual being. But what we want to take a look at is the human side. So how's this actually been patterned out? Meaning did you put around this? We recognize that all of relationships are really the projection and the reflection of the limited beliefs within ourselves. So how's this been? What meaning have you put on this for yourself?

Speaker 2 (03:12):

I guess I would say the meaning I've put on myself was that I'm not good enough or I'm not enough. Shortly after this happened, so at the time I was doing home daycare, and then shortly after going through all of this with my husband, I closed my daycare. I was not happy doing it anyway, and then I was like, I hired a spiritual business coach. So I was like, I'm going to do my own thing. And I never finished it. Since then, I've just never followed through with anything. I kept feeling like, I can't do it. I'm not enough, I'm not skilled enough. And then since then, yes, I've just kind of been a stay at home mom. I don't make any income, so it's starting to play out okay. I feel like I'm a burden on him now because the financial stress has been mostly is put on him, so he's feeling like, yeah, so that's another piece of it.

Speaker 1 (04:10):

I wanted to say thank you again for sharing your heart. Okay. So what happens, I'm curious to know before this happened, clearly this was a trauma when you found these text messages because probably anyone in our culture would find that very traumatic and the meaning we put on that and the meaning that we place about ourselves of not being enough and stuff. So I'm going to consider that a trauma, but let's just take the patterning before that. I'm curious to know before that situation with your husband and then the patterning of other relationships, what would you say was the patterning? Meaning? There's a hack to this. When we take a look in our relationships, we know that everything's created within the mind. Everything's created within thyself, and everything's projected out in a self-fulfilling prophecy. And that doesn't mean that you called in somebody that cheated or text somebody else, but what that means is what is the meaning that we placed around it?

Speaker 1 (05:03):

Meaning if somebody had really high self-esteem and their partner was texting somebody else, or even let's pretend that they actually cheated, they might say, Hey, that really sucks that you did that. You went out of your own integrity and you must be really hurting, or something must not be fulfilled within. The healthy person would not necessarily take it personal and make the meaning that I'm not enough, but we're human, and it'd be almost impossible to not do that without massive development. So what we want to take a look at is what was going on before that happened and how you can do it as a hack. As you can say, he made me feel, he made me feel like I'm not enough. He made me feel like I was a burden. And so we can take a look at even before your marriage, what was patterning out in your other relationships? So what was that pattern? What did those other relationships make you feel as well?

Speaker 2 (05:57):

Wow, that's a hard question. I think just allowing, I was allowing myself not to be treated the way I wanted and respected the way that I wanted to. I just let things, oh, it's not worth a fight. It's not worth it. And I just kind of tuck myself under my feeling stuff under the,

Speaker 1 (06:21):

Okay. I mean, the core limited to belief for all of us is I'm not enough. The core limited to belief of human beings is I'm not enough. So if we know that life is a masterclass and everything is designed to help develop us in our coming back home to the truth of who we are, which is an all knowing, all loving, powerful, spiritual being, then all these circumstances are basically demanding us to either to rise to the occasion, we're either going to succumb and be the effect of everything, or we're going to rise into our divine powers. And what I know for you is that you are that. And I absolutely know that no matter if there was text or cheating or the worst things ever that has happened, I'm knowing that for you in consciousness right now. Okay. So what do we do from here? Okay, so here, this happened five years ago. And my question for you is, are you really, I mean, you're here, you're courageously here telling details, right? So do you mind me asking what was actually on those texts just so that people can get people a little bit of drama? Okay. That's just the reality. Yeah. What was on those texts? Did he actually cheat? What was the actual moment when you realized that this happened?

Speaker 2 (07:29):

So I do consider it cheating. I dunno. It was just really flirty and dirty and just saying things to them that I've never even heard 'em say to me. And just, yeah, it was gross. I don't know if I want to share.

Speaker 1 (07:48):

Okay. It

Speaker 2 (07:50):

Was asking to see things and just really dirty, flirty, going back and forth and then trying to connect for lunch. And I can't really tell by the texts if they did collect, connect to go have lunch or dinner. But yeah, so that's that. Yeah,

Speaker 1 (08:07):

I totally get it. Okay. So just to relate, I was in a very much of a narcissistic abuse relationship with a famous rockstar, and it was up and down, and I found he cheated multiple times when he fell off the wagon, he was an alcoholic addict as well. And it was so heartbreaking and for so long I really felt like he did this right. And as I began to do more and more of my work and realize that I would've never been in that relationship and I would've never stayed in that relationship. And I'm not saying for you to leave your marriage by any means because your husband may be in a much better place than my partner was. But I realized that it was really the universe showing up for me to develop me in my own and in getting really clear of my own principles and what my core values were and what I was willing to put up with or not so that I could create a life that was really in alignment with my truth. So I'm curious to know today, it sounds like obviously you guys have not healed, and so clearly it must be out picturing on a day-to-day, week to week basis. So how is that out picturing now in your arguments, in your disconnection, in the patterns within your relationship now?

Speaker 2 (09:22):

Yeah, I guess just the way, so when he is like, I don't know, not in the greatest mood, and it's like anything I say, it could be anything and he'll just fly off the handle and start going off on me, and then I don't even defend myself most of the time. So there's that. And then there was one time a few weeks ago actually, where we both had probably a little bit too much to drink, and then, I don't know, we just kind of blew up and we talked about how there is no passion in our relationship. What are we going to do and what do you really want? Do you even want to be here? And then I kind of told them when I saw those messages and what you did to me is I now am with this person that I don't know who you are. I've been with him for 22 years and now I'm figuring out I don't know who you are and I don't know how to be your wife the way you want me to, or yeah. So I just kind of said all that and then, yeah, I dunno. When we woke up the next morning, it was, I don't know, we both really felt like we needed to heal each other. It was nice, but it was at the same time, we didn't really resolve anything. We just kind of,

Speaker 1 (10:49):

So I believe this is a divine appointment for you and for me and for everything. And I wanted to say that I know you guys must have great love for each other to be together for 22 years and also recognize the vicious cycles that human beings get into and how we're not equipped with the ability to know how to handle it and how to break the cycles. So I'm just feeling a lot of compassion for you and your husband, really, truly, and we do all make mistakes at different times, and we also go into fight or flight, so the reactions that happen throughout the week or days or months of that vicious cycle of him flying off the handle, you shutting down. We all have our patterns of how we handle things, but we're basically, we're going into fight or flight into that system that is almost like we don't even have a choice in that system. It just happens. It turns on and then everyone does all their damage, and then we come back out and we're like, wow, I'm sorry. I'm sorry too. How do we do this? We love each other. So what I'm hearing from you is that you really do love your husband and he really does love you, but you don't know how to get out of the living hell of the patterns that you guys have created for yourselves. Is that kind of what I'm hearing from you?

Speaker 2 (11:56):

That's like bang on? Yes.

Speaker 1 (11:58):

Okay, so one, I just want to disclose to the audience, I'm not a traditional therapist. I'm a doctor divinity that, and really how we heal is through revealing truth. So I'm not here to manage, okay, so I always say the same metaphor. It's like having a table and the table on top of it is all the issues, and we try and rearrange everything on top of the table. Like, oh, if you just communicate better, oh, if you just listen to him and validate him and then don't make him wrong, and all those things, or what's the story you have around it and retell your story? Those are all things that we're moving around on the table on the top, which I believe don't truly work. They help a little bit, but they never actually stop the vicious cycle. My job is to go down onto the bottom of the table, down onto the floor and get the foundation of each individual for them to get stabilized in truth.

Speaker 1 (12:51):

Okay, so what does that look like for you? And this is like a heart to heart, woman to woman, sister to sister, spirit to spirit. Right now I care about you. And it just literally, I just want to cry because I know so many people suffer every day and we all want to love so bad. We want to love our partners, we want to love our best friends, and there's these patterns that we get into. So I believe that this is the only fix to this, and it is your relationship with your higher self that when we get steeped in that beloved divine with, you could say God's source within divine, whatever it is, the label that you put on it, and I honor each person's label because there is no label for the nameless, it's your higher self. And I believe that when we go into deep meditation or prayer to the self or whatever it is to merge into the oneness because you and your husband are one, you guys are literally one.

Speaker 1 (13:46):

You guys are literally equally playing out the dynamics of healing each other's wounds and the wounds are there with perfection. He fulfills it exactly perfect to fulfill upon your limited beliefs of I'm not enough and he is fulfilling upon something. I'm not enough and therefore I'm a perpetrator, or whatever it is. Most of our dynamics of the men and women in our culture is the women become the victims, the men become the perpetrators, but actually they're equally the same. Interesting. Yeah. Okay, so what's the answer? The answer is multiple fold. I think you guys need to decide, do you really want to actually break these patterns and the other person doesn't necessarily need to agree to that? You are going to heal yourself regardless. He will rise to the occasion or not. It can't be contingent upon him wanting to heal. This is an individual job, and when you decide I decide that I want to heal, that means you taking a hundred percent responsibility for who you want to show up in the world and in this relationship, and that you release him of any need to make you happy to do what you expect him to do.

Speaker 1 (14:57):

You're basically releasing him of everything, and you are taking it back to source within to know that that's your only source for your love, for your joy, for your fulfillment, for any expectations, and it's kind of like a dying of the self into the divine woman that you were born to be. How does that feel for you?

Speaker 2 (15:17):

That sounds so beautiful and so empowering and the person I want to be. Yes,

Speaker 1 (15:24):

I know. And it's so much easier said than done, right? Yes. So universal law will teach us over and over again that your subconscious mind is one with your neurological system. It's one with the brain, and if we through a trauma, whether it be the time that you saw those texts or it's probably actually came way before that, and multiple lifetimes of feeling like, I'm not enough and I'm divided. That's our core thing. So the neurological system just reaffirms everything. Again, if somebody that was kind of fully empowered saw those texts from their husband, it might be like, Ooh, this is really stings. But they would know, wow, this is really showing where we are disconnected. This is really showing his own insecurities that he needs to go seek from other women, and this is really showing of how broken this marriage is. They wouldn't necessarily take it as, I'm not enough. They would see it as the out-picturing of the collective of the entire marriage.

Speaker 2 (16:22):

Yes, I a hundred percent agree because I did say to him, how do I know you're not going to do this again? And I said to myself, if anything like this does ever happen again, I am a sovereign being. I know that this is the end. This is like, sorry, you made a mistake. Yes, I understand you're in a dark place and there's a lot of other stuff going on too. His mom passed away a few years before that, and that was really hard for him. But it is just like, okay, I get it. It's like, if that's your thing, that's your thing. Now it's time for me to really move on. I would not ever accept anything like that again.

Speaker 1 (16:57):

So woman to woman, again, this is the greatest masterclass of a gift that the universe has given to you in my opinion, and the reason why is because if we want to break these cycles, we have to rise in our consciousness to become such badass consciousness that we become the queen. If we want to be considered the queen by our partner, we have to become the queen, so the divine queen or the goddess, whichever you prefer, because some people may prefer the word goddess, is somebody who truly is sovereign in knowing that they create their emotions and that everything is released from their partner. It is the most advanced practice on this planet, as far as I'm concerned. It's way harder than being single and just being a conduit for source and for divine that these relationships are the most advanced masterclass on this planet. So I know you must be a very, very powerful spiritual being to call in such an advanced masterclass. Thank you. Yeah. I really, really know that for you. Okay, so let's make a plan. You ready to make a plan? One, I just want to ask you on a level of one to 10, 10 meaning that you are fully ready to become the goddess and heal yourself, not heal you and your husband because you don't have control over that per se, but heal yourself.

Speaker 2 (18:20):

Yeah. That's a 10.

Speaker 1 (18:22):

Okay, great. You're ready to break the negative cycle from your side of the street? Yes. Okay, great. What are you willing to do for it? This has nothing to do with me, nothing to do with working with it. What are you willing at a soul level, at a heart level to do for this?

Speaker 2 (18:37):

I don't answer that. Whatever it takes, I guess I can't really specifically say one thing. I don't know what that is.

Speaker 1 (18:46):

Great. It's something to contemplate within yourself in meditation, contemplated meditation. What are you willing to do for this? Okay. The true work is to, as we say, die of the self, die of the divided ego itself and be reborn into the true identity, the I am the oneness, the goddess that you are. Okay. What we have to be willing to do is to really give up everything we've known and to give up and forgive. Forgive ourselves, forgive our partners, to give up the holding on to resentment, to give up all of that, everything that we thought we were and come into a divine presence every single day. What is your spiritual practice? Do you have a practice right now?

Speaker 2 (19:30):

Yeah. So when I get up in the morning, my morning routine kind of thing? Is that what you're asking?

Speaker 1 (19:35):

Yeah. Just a spiritual practice, whatever it is for you to have a relationship with your higher self.

Speaker 2 (19:41):

Yeah. Okay. So I wake up in the morning, hands on my heart, and I just kind of a little prayer to the universe or God and just thanking him, sending out gratitude and asking for clearing and protection, and then I'll kind of get ready, come to my altar,

Speaker 1 (19:58):

Beautiful

Speaker 2 (19:58):

Palo Santo, and I'll do either a silent meditation or a guided session.

Speaker 1 (20:03):

Great, and how do you feel when you come out of that session for yourself?

Speaker 2 (20:08):

So it fluctuates. I sometimes feel like, Hey, that was like me. There's just another I just thing I do all the time, and then other days it's like, okay, I want to journal a little bit or I feel a little bit of shift. Okay, great.

Speaker 1 (20:25):

Okay, so my prescription for you as a doctor, divinity, not a traditional doctor, I have a prescription for you. Okay. One is I would love for you to do your trauma work. Doesn't mean you have to do it with me. There's many people that do trauma work. Of course, eForce profound, but my as I would tell my best friend, please do your trauma work because trauma work is going to release the emotions around the thing that happened five years ago. Okay? It's going to release the emotions around it. It doesn't mean it forgives the whole thing and there's not action to take around it, but it releases the negative emotions that are making really the division in mind and the real triggers that happen all the time. So trauma work is imperative in E four trauma method, what we do is we don't just neutralize the charge around those traumatic incidents, but we actually look at what commands.

Speaker 1 (21:14):

You decided what limited beliefs. I'm not enough. I'm a burden, right? Something's wrong with me, whatever that is. Those commands, and we pull 'em up from the subconscious so they're not just playing out on rote like puppet strings in your life. What we also do is we make new declarations and we begin to powerfully program positive things into the subconscious mind. So that's a prescription I really, really want for you to do your trauma work, wherever that is, whatever it calls for you. Okay? The next thing is I invite you to go much deeper in your spiritual practice. Whether that means joining a meditation group or getting trained in meditation or finding your local meditation place or whatever it is in general, it's very hard for people to do it alone. I would invite you to, or maybe it's an app, but maybe it's something not just guided meditations.

Speaker 1 (22:06):

At some point in time, we need to go into the actual silence. The only way we truly merge with our higher self is through total silence, even beyond mantra. So those are the two prescriptions that I have for you to be able to come to this higher self. The thing that people need to know also is I would never tell somebody to get divorced, and I would never tell them to break up. However, if your arguments are so strong in your marriage that you're getting re-traumatized, then what we say and say even like a 12 step program or codependency, is we actually want people to leave their environment just while they heal. So oftentimes people don't really tell us how bad it really is, and you don't need to say that here or not, but as your friend, again, if it's getting so bad and it's not just upsets like it's raging fights, then what I would recommend is for people to go into different environments, to be able to do their healings so that they can heal, and then they can come back in together to be able to know what's really going on over here versus my healing.

Speaker 1 (23:16):

Okay. Okay. So how does that sound for you?

Speaker 2 (23:18):

That sounds great. Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (23:21):

Okay, great. So let's do a spiritual mind treatment, and knowing that the spoken word informs universal law, it informs the subconscious mind and it plays out the polarity in the universe. So what is it that you're ready to declare for your life and for your embodiment of truth?

Speaker 2 (23:39):

Empowerment.

Speaker 1 (23:42):

Great.

Speaker 2 (23:43):

Yeah, I guess that's my, yeah, I just want to feel empowered. I want to be a powerful clean and stand in my power and know that when things are not maybe the way I want them to be, I can look within myself and know that I am divine.

Speaker 1 (24:00):

Yes. Oh my gosh, yes. Okay, so let's take a deep breath together. You can put your hands together if you want. We do this just to really rub. There's like 70,000 neurons on the hands, and we're connecting the right and left hemisphere of the brain and all the neurological systems. So that's actually why we place the hands together on the heart, because we're connecting the heart with the head. We're connecting into that oneness, really easing into the neurological system, taking some deep breaths in, suspending the breath at the top, exhaling out, just coming as divine presence. I recognize right here, this divine goddess, I recognize this 22 years and the significance of the 22 years of the human hood, of this marriage, and in this, I recognize the perfection, the growth, and the relative experience for this divine couple and this divine goddess to come to truth.

Speaker 1 (24:47):

May they lay down the sword. May they lay down the sword and come revere to the beloved, divine within the divine and claim her goddesses right here, right now, coming into her dignity, coming into her strength, knowing that this is the decision right here, right now, and even in the law of growth. It may take some time to fully embody this in the out-picturing of her relationship and herself and the embodiment, but right here it is done. It is spoken into the one divine mind. It is spoken into the subconscious mind, which is the subjective mind, which hears infinitely and goes into an automated system. I declare by the power of my word, which is the creative factor of all of life, for this goddess to rise in her divine that she is, I simply know this. I see this perfect divine woman absolutely being a leader for her family, for her friends, and for the entire globe, knowing that it is exactly what we want, which is love, the embodiment of love that is the goddess. I simply know this in the name of truth as together we say, and so it is.

Speaker 2 (25:51):

Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 (25:53):

Yes. May you have support? May you find a community that can support you in truth, may you break the cycle. May you absolutely do your trauma work, and may you absolutely have a profound spiritual practice to come back home each day to be able to live as the goddess that you are. Okay. Thank you so much for being so brave and so courageous. I really appreciate your heart.

Speaker 2 (26:16):

Thank you. Oh my gosh, this is wonderful.

Speaker 1 (26:20):

Thank you for tuning into the Dr. Erin podcast. If you're ready to reprogram your subconscious mind, transform your trauma and birth, your soul's calling, or if you're ready to become an accredited, certified spiritual psychology coach and E4 trauma method facilitator, and get trained in spiritual psychology, universal law, intergenerational trauma, work, past life, regression work, metaphysics of mind, and so much more, go to DrErin.tv. If you're receiving value from the show, I would love it if you share it with a friend and give it a five star review. Have a beautiful day, and may you live your truth.