Danielle LaPorte | How to Be Loving | Cancel Culture & Beyond Trauma

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In today's world, there can be completely stressful times. Isolation, dysfunction, cancel culture, divided viewpoints, polarized news being driven into our consciousness everywhere. Well, today I want to share a very special guest with you on learning how to become loving. Let's dive deep into what does it mean you guys? How are we gonna do this? How do we actually be loving in the midst of all of this divided, polarized, fear, hate, and all the above? Welcome to the Dr. Erin podcast. This is a top spiritual psychology coach podcast to inspire and teach you how to transform your trauma, birth your soul's purpose, and manifest your dreams. Hi, I'm Dr. Erin. Dr. Divinity. I'm committed to bringing you the best coaching tips, spiritual advice, trauma healing, and metaphysical recovery secrets. I'm here to help you monetize your spiritual gifts and love your life. I want you to know that I've been exactly where you are, and I believe in you. Together, we're awakening the world. 
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Hi, my soul family. I'm super excited to share a very special guest with you today, Danielle Laport. She is a member of Oprah's Super Soul 100 Group. Danielle is a creator of the heart centered membership in the Heart centered Leadership program with over 400 leaders and 30 countries hosting conversations, circles, retreats, and workshops of all kinds of communities and businesses around the world. But who she really is, for me is somebody who is steeped in love, really truly committed to divine work to the world. I'm super excited to dive deep with this soul sister today to really discover and inquiry into how do we love even deeper. So how are you? I'm so excited to just dive deep and feel into your heart. You know, I watch you online, I know you through many of my peers and girlfriends and stuff, And the thing about you, Danielle, is that when I watch anything, your story, anything, I feel like I'm home. I really authentically feel like that. I'm like, ugh, I feel like I can exhale when I come into your presence, which is really says a lot about who you are as a leader, and I'm sure it's taken you some time to fully ground into all of it. How are you? Mm-hmm. 
(02:26):
, I feel really calm right now. Like it's this, um, it's more glide than grind. 
(02:34):
Yeah. 
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And you know, this is, we're in a book campaign. This is like birth mode, birth and promote mode. And it feels, I'm aware more this time of just, uh, thought forms. Like really, this will be as easy as I think it will be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 
(02:56):
Totally. Totally. So let's dive into this because you know how to be loving, like, let's, this is challenging right now in this world. I, I don't, I mean, I don't know. I think that as we know, the universe is expanding all points in time and I do believe the frequencies are getting more intense. And then we have social media, which is amplifying everything. I, I mean we have this polarity that is just off the charts from the cancel culture to, you know, every viewpoint to everything going on. How in the world do we be loving in the midst of all this? Mm. 
(03:34):
You have to want to be. So I think it starts with that. Like, um, I think now is the time to choose a side, but you choose the side that includes everybody. It's like, you know, uh, so this is your free will. You're gonna use your self agency to play for love, to be more compassionate. All those things that we know love our, but it's a choice. Like, we have to start there. This is Choicefulness. 
(04:04):
Yeah. Yeah. I remember back, I used to be very codependent back in the day. Mm-hmm. . And I remember someone asked me, What is your definition of love? And I had all these different, you know, conversations of what it should be. And then someone said, Love just is, this was like a long time ago. And I was like, Whoa, that's like so deep. You know, . And it's like, 
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Whoa, what does that mean? 
(04:27):
Yeah. What does that mean? Right. But then of course, as you know, getting developed and all the work and diving so deep into divine and having our own revelations and enlightenment, there's such moments of oneness. Mm-hmm. , but then human beingness comes in as well. So what is it about this book? What is it for you? What does it mean to you writing this book? 
(04:51):
Well, it feels like a love letter to the part in all of us who know that love is actually the game changer. And it's time to start acting like that. That love isn't just something we do when we're at home or with our friends or our family. It's something we need to do in how we design politics and educational systems and medical systems. Like it needs to be included in the highest levels mm-hmm. of society. And it's time to stop leaving it at the door. When we walk into different environments, like, and this means our language shifts. We use the words , we show up with our compassionate vocabulary. It means our tone is different. It means we prioritize differently. It means we get in touch with a holy anger instead of the ego anger that just wants to be right. Like that our, you know, all the justice that everybody's so many of us are seeking for and choosing sides about that really, it's about like, what's gonna benefit everybody that takes daring and courage and it's like complex conversation, but it only works if it benefits everybody. Or at the very least, if you're aware of how your decisions in your community and your workplace and your vote with your dollar, All of the things, even with in your own family, how you're gonna cause harm or how you're gonna benefit all the players at the table or find, you know, get everybody to the table to start with. But, which 
(06:29):
Brings up a really important point. So you talk a lot about, you know, the desire and I think that we've been so driven off of desire and goals and really playing into a vision of embodiment maybe the whole time. But then we go to this place of virtue I've heard you speak about, which I think is really the paradigm, the biggest paradigm we're going through as a, as a globe, as one family, as a unity that we are of like, how do we go from really producing cuz we have to survive going to virtue. And and what does that mean? Because we're, I mean I know I've gone through the hustle phase of my career and getting burned out and, and going through all that and then going, what am I actually doing if I'm not enjoying this process mm-hmm. , then I'm completely outta my own principles. Mm-hmm . So what does it look like for you? Let's just take a particular case. Let's pretend somebody's out there, they've gone through some dysfunctional relationships cuz nine outta 10 people go through dysfunctional relationships, right? Maybe they're dealing with money issues and maybe they need to go out and go into sales to try and make it happen. How do I live virtuously and actually get something done? 
(07:43):
You have to look at the origin of desire. So Buddhism teaches that desire is a cause of suffering. So it's the clinging, it's the wanting things to be the way they aren't desire is an emotion. Emotions come from the unconscious self. So it's not the conscious part of ourselves that's wanting, cuz when you, when you're more conscious, we're awake, enlightened, not that any of us have gotten there, but when you move towards that, you know, higher vibration, you're gonna want for less, you'll be more present with what you have. Nervous system will be much more regulated. So you're not hooked. You know, it's not the hungry ghost that's driving you. So the evolution of desire is I think aspiration. So I'm not, I'm not wanting, needing, striving. I like go crush my goals so that I feel more worthy and get the love I never got from whoever I needed it from. 
(08:44):
I'm aspiring, I'm using, you know, we talked about free will earlier. I'm using my free will to align with a higher way of being. So you can still want all the things, you can still wanna crush your sales goals and you can still wanna of course make a difference in the world, but it's on behalf of loving kindness. It's for benefiting everybody. So you go from like kind lower vibe, wanting and doing whatever you gotta take to get it. And those do or die goals, which you're gonna burn your adrenal system. You're gonna wake up one day and go, Why have I been running to, you know what? I'm setting an intention from my heart, from the my most conscious place, from my center to embody love in all I do. Okay. That's clear. You send a clear signal to all systems, you will think differently. Yeah. You will go after different things. You'll go after them in a different way. Mm-hmm. 
(09:50):
. So I wanna get vulnerable here. I consider you a peer and you know, we're both in the world doing work and stuff And one of the things that I think has been shocking in, in doing this work for me was I didn't realize some of the challenges that were gonna come along with it. And, and not to bring up anything that other than total respect for you, but I remember one of the first times I heard about you and, and you were getting kind of like a cancel culture type of a thing happening around one of your other books. And I remember thinking I had so much respect for you cuz I thought that would be really hard. But you handled it so beautifully and so powerfully. And I, and I have always remembered that in the moment when I was going through something and with, with clients and cuz we know we can't please all clients and we can be as loving as possible and think we're doing everything in harmony and think we're just, you know, fulfilling upon contracts and someone can think we're the worst person in the world or view and take it differently than we intended mm-hmm. 
(10:47):
. And so I just wanna speak to that because I think there's people out there because you can be as loving as possible, but someone may not think you're being loving mm-hmm. and they're gonna be totally offended by no matter what you do, you can have the greatest intentions and be loving and want the highest for everyone, but there's always gonna be people that see you as as not that 
(11:09):
Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm . You cannot control what anybody else thinks or feels or does. Uh, we're all unhealed, everybody is carrying some degree of trauma around with them. We are living at a time where it's just getting, it's just, just projection festival . Um, and that's helped me. I mean that my awareness of my own wounds and that kind of self intimacy has helped me meet things more gently without being pulled off my center. Like I know my intentions, I know the conversations I have with my heart. Mm-hmm. , I, I know where my fears are as much as I can be conscious right now and I'm gonna abide in that I'm gonna have some patience for other people's wounds and opinions. Mm-hmm. and not always easy, but that's it. And also I think, you know, just seeing, I think especially with women on the personal development path, it a here's the irony. 
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It gets harder to see everybody as our reflection. Like I just think, oh yeah, the universal principle at everybody's, my reflection that applies except for there's no way that guy and that behavior, that narcissism or that manipulation, whatever, that is not a reflection of me because I've done so much work. I'm so much more loving and compassionate. All part of that may be true. I may be more loving and compassionate. I may have done a lot of work, but it's a universal law I believe. So I have to look at where's my call out culture within me, Where's my tyranny? Where's my greed? Mm-hmm. . And it may be just a tiny little seed frequency, like a little spec. Or it may be that what they're bringing up for me, the reflection is not so much their behavior, but the pain that they have put on the table that has been triggered in me. It's like, oh, this really feels like a massive betrayal. Mm oh well then I have some betrayal wound that isn't healed yet because I'm, because I've created this. Yeah. And because I'm so triggered by it, I have to respond to it. 
(13:32):
I always think it like, yeah. Like it's like the facts actually happening where, you know, there is a cause and effect and sometimes there's law that comes into it. Sometimes there's putting boundaries, sometimes there's just forgiveness, whatever that is. But I think the difference for me, where I used to be reactive or take things so personal, you can go through a storm, but you're like, I'm in a storm. Okay, cool. How do we handle this? How do we take cover? How do we deal with this? Versus oh my gosh, I'm in a storm and let me just get completely reactive with everything and take offense to it. Mm-hmm. 
(14:05):
, I had a friend who was in a storm, she's in a legal situation with somebody who was a business was dissolving. And you know, I'd read some of the emails going back and forth and you could hear all the hooks and that were coming at her and she was, she was taking the bait every time she'd be like, Well, let me explain this and I'm not gonna explain, explain that. And I said, You know what, if you just gave it zero more energy. Yes. Like it's happening. You're gonna, if you have to go to court, you go to court, you're not in denial, but it just like, stop taking the bait so that not just so you can, you know, piss the other person off because it will not, not feeding, you know, their own ego stuff to fight, but so that you can concentrate on the lesson and actually get through it. Yeah. Like they wanna fight. It's bringing up all these issues around you, about your overgiving and feeling on the outside. Just deal with those issues of overgiving and feeling on the outside mm-hmm. while you give the rest of the drama that's just serving to kick it up. Zero more energy. Yeah. You go heal. Let them just off gas. 
(15:18):
Mm-hmm. . So good. So good. And you are teaming up with one of my all time mentors, um, Michael Beckwith I love. Oh yeah. Yes. You're church. So tell us a little bit about church. 
(15:31):
Ah, well church is gonna be, um, an online event to our online event on Sunday, October 16th. Mm-hmm. . And if you go grab a couple copies of how to Be Loving you, come to our site, danielle port.com/how to Be Loving, Let us know you got some copies and then we give you a ticket to church. Leanne Rhymes is gonna open up with, um, singing from her new album God's Work, which is amazing and beautiful course is gonna be there to sing. Amazing. And then Reverend Beckwith is gonna give us a 
(16:03):
Blessing. Yes, Yes. How to be loving. I think it's one of the greatest masteries we can do no matter what's happening, no matter how our families acting or the politicians are acting or whatever mm-hmm. , how do we stay in that neutral space and holding that. And I think it's important for people to know what you're still able to do in that. Like, can you still Right, You can still have your truth, you can still put boundaries, you can still even go do, you know, saying goodbye to somebody, you can still love them. Mm-hmm. . So years ago when I went through the final chapter of my codependency, the thing that held it after was thinking that I didn't love him. That he was a narcissist, he was this, he was that. All that, what finally healed it from me is when I actually realized that I'll always love him and then I love him now and I'll always love him. And it actually was the one thing that released the resistance to it because it was the truth. 
(17:04):
Mm-hmm. , that's beautiful. I think we, there's so much shame, especially in that dynamic, you know, and empathic sensitive woman with a narcissistic male, which seems to be like a dance that a lot of people do these days. Um, I think there's all this shame that comes in with, we let ourselves be treated like that. We perpetuated that dynamic and then we get more conscious and we go a little bit deeper and say, we actually brought this in. We facilitated that 
(17:36):
A thousand percent. 
(17:37):
We are 50% of that dynamic. We are no more high vibration necessarily than they are. So there's this like, there's this embarrassment and that shame prevents us from going to that place of like, even though they did all these things, I will always love them even though I wasn't totally conscious and mature, I will always love them. Mm-hmm. . And I think that's actually the heart's default. Yeah. And it doesn't mean you are gonna continue with codependency. It doesn't mean that you're not awake. It means that you got it, you actually got the lesson. Yeah. 
(18:13):
Yeah. You take a hundred percent responsibility and realize he was just, you know, part of my belief systems tracking in that I'm not lovable, you know? Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. , just playing into the whole, the whole grand thing is play of life. Yeah. Mm-hmm. . So, so what, what is your mission with this book? Like truly what, obviously you wanna help people love, but like what is it for you mm-hmm. , what is the virtue for you? 
(18:38):
Uh, the book is about reverence and it's about going beyond tolerating your own stuff to actually being revent with it. Like, there's some awe for your doubt and your anxiety and your fear, and you can see how it's expanding you and how, you know, every time my doubt shows up, I say, Well, you are persistent. That's amazing and thank you. You help me double down on my faith so I can only have respect for such a great outcome. Right? 
(19:13):
Mm-hmm. . 
(19:15):
So it's a reverence for the shadow and it's that reverence that creates more light. That's how you find the diamond in the darkness. 
(19:23):
I love that. I love the concept that life is like a masterclass. And I love this concept of thinking like everything is challenged me to love. 
(19:30):
Yes. 
(19:31):
Everything is the opportunity to unconditionally love mm-hmm. and like, wow. Then you look at there's no problems, there's no, there's nothing. There's just, it's all growing me. It's all expanding me, 
(19:42):
It's all fertilizer. Yeah. 
(19:44):
, it's all fertilizer. I love them. Yeah. So, awesome. So I wanna ask you a couple other things. So, so I just wanna know just a little bit deeper, what were the hardest things that you went through earlier when you weren't able to just love? Who were you? Who was that? You know? 
(20:02):
Um, well I've always been a lover and a relat. Like I've always, relationships have been my way of growing. That was clear. I think how my lack of consciousness showed up was just a little mouthier, a little boulder, a little more assertive, brazen, which was just a lot of ego wanting to help me be seen. And then you wise up a bit and you get softer and you do the job. Like I see myself, I see myself, it's my job to see me, my shadow and my light, my um, my dark side and my loveliness mm-hmm. and then the ego starts to chill out a little more. I don't, you know, it's not saying, ah, go say that thing at that party. You know, , I'm not so concerned about how many likes I get on a post, you know? Uh, 
(21:01):
Maybe not as much, but I 
(21:02):
Not as much 
(21:04):
For sure. It's interesting how what people perceive love to be, you know, because someone can love you more than someone else and they may not stay in the tone that you consider loving, but they may love you more than anybody else. And and I think that that's been a, a growth for me because I literally love, like, I love people so much. I love my clients, I love my community and sometimes I can be brass, but, and so it could be interpreted as not, but I really, really 
(21:32):
Do. It's such a great saying, brass. It really does. It's like it conveys Yeah. . I get it. 
(21:38):
Yeah. Yeah. So tell people about your other events. You have live events right now, right? 
(21:43):
There's lots happening. I mean, really Instagram is like the center of my world. Everything is pointing towards the Sunday church on October 16th. Yeah. 
(21:54):
Okay, cool. Well, I cannot wait to be there and celebrate you. And it's gonna be honor, honor a divine woman and just, you know, really getting how spiritual and how deep and how evolved. And I consider you completely lightened. You may not, but I do. So I just want you to know that I see 
(22:09):
You. I'll tell, I'll tell my publisher. Maybe I'll get a bigger book event. 
(22:13):
, I see you. I see you. Okay. Cause we can't say that, but you, come on. I see you. Okay. So tell people also, of course they know your social media stuff, but just tell them where they can find you on your website. 
(22:25):
Yeah. I'm at Danielle Laport on social and website is danielle laport.com. I have a membership called Heart Centered Membership. It's a spiritual support community and I have a coaching facilitating program called Heart Centered Leadership Program. So we've got like 400 coaches and leaders like in the workplace and in yoga studios teaching about virtue and resilience. Yeah, it's really cool. 
(22:52):
So let's dive deep just for one more second around trauma. So in our community we teach a lot of trauma work and how the subconscious mind is connected with divine mind and universal law and how trauma's not necessarily what happens to you, but trauma is what happens within you. And the moment that we have a frequency of, of putting a meaning on something, we create a fr a frequency and we decide a divided perspective. I'm not lovable, something's wrong with me, I'm not enough, I don't wanna live. And it literally tags the DNA that genetics and makes an Ingram. Okay. So what would you say to somebody that is trying to love, but they have a lot of trauma, you know, what advice would you give them if they haven't began to do their trauma work? What would you tell 'em? 
(23:36):
Mm-hmm. , I think ultimately it's about what I would call truthful identification. That you're seeing that you are an energetic being, a spiritual being, um, that you have a consciousness that goes beyond what's happened to you and you're not the trauma, you're not the trauma. We are not what happened to us. And that, I mean, you could look at that and go, that's a spiritual bypass. It's actually, it's total empowerment. So when you see that you are not what happened to you, then you can really go deep and look at the impacts of what happened to you, what it did to your nervous system, how it affected your life and your choices, and all those patterns that got put into place. And then I think eventually, ideally we gotta move on from the trauma. So I mean, this is one of the things I talk about and how to be loving is that so many of us can like do the work. 
(24:32):
We do the breathing and we do the tapping, and we do the workshops and we do all the right things and we are actually like legit healing. But then there's that part of us, there's that little unhealed bit, the ego mind that wants to dig it up and we keep telling the same story. Like the trauma just gets so baked into our identity. Like, I'm an addict, I'm a survivor, I am a, you know, you kind of fill in the blank. You're not just that. It's a, that was an incident that created a, you know, major effect. So this is why I, you know, I've had thousands of hours of therapy, lots of different kinds of therapy, lots of different types of spiritual work, energy work, and it, and I can see now the shadow side of therapy as well. And I credit my psychotherapist with just like changing my life, saving my life. If I had five children, they'd have, I would name them all after my various strengths, you know? Um, but there's a time where you need to say, okay, like, enough of going down this path because you're just retraumatizing yourself. Mm. Uh, just yeah. The, the rewinding 
(25:51):
Mm-hmm. . I love that. So I'm hearing you say, you know, basically, which is the truth is we're not these bodies, we're not our beliefs, we're not our trauma. We're something way beyond that. We're the crater, you know, creating with one with the universe and that we can really just witness our story, witness the experience, witness all that, and at least get some type of a insight around that. 
(26:12):
Yeah. And move into seeing your capacity to heal it like you are capable of restoration. Mm-hmm. happens all the time. People get to the other side of trauma all the time and they're wiser and, um, more resilient because of it. 
(26:34):
I love that. Do it. I love that. Okay. I have to ask you one last question for the most important question. Where did you get those glasses? Like we all, Cause we love the glasses so much, so I'm like, we, I'll buy em some right now. Thank They're so good. Uh, these are Chanel. Yeah, they're beautiful. You're stunning woman inside and out. So thank you so much for sharing your heart with me. Really beautiful and very excited for the world to get more of you. Beautiful. You sure you guys, And go follow her. Go to this event, go to church. We wanna go to church, right? It's a whole new realm of church in the world these days, and this is absolutely where we need to be in the heart. So thank you so much. Have a beautiful and blessed day. Again, You guys live your truth. 
(27:15):
Thank you for tuning into the Dr. Erin podcast. If you're ready to reprogram your subconscious mind, transform your trauma and birth your soul's calling, or if you're ready to become an accredited, certified spiritual psychology coach, an E4 trauma method facilitator and get trained in spiritual psychology, universal law, intergenerational trauma, work path, life regression work, metaphysics of mind, and so much more. Go to soulciete.com or drerin.tv if you're receiving value from the show. I would love it if you share it with a friend and give it a five star review. Also, you can join me in one of my live free trainings. You can find it right on the website as well. Or in my bio link across all social media. I'm DrErin.tv across all platforms, drerin.tv. Have a beautiful day and may you live your truth.